It’s been a rough week as a mommy. Davis has not been cooperative while at the dentist. His permanent molars grew in with out enamel on them and at this point they are simply flaking away.
It’s time for drastic measures and for mommy to deal with reality. We have seen two different dentists and I’ve called around and even talked to an expert who has over 1000 high functioning autistic children in his practice. He said that IV sedation for dental work is a must. Reluctantly, I parted with an unimaginable amount of money and now it is done. Davis has all of his dental work completed.
When I was a little girl, I had no idea that when I experienced pain, so did my parents. I didn’t realize that it was difficult for them to watch me struggle, fall, and have to pick myself back up again. My parents made it all look so easy and just part of the job.
I want you to know that the reason parents don’t show their real emotion is not to deceive you but to give you the courage to do what you have to do. Yesterday when I had to restrain you in my arms while the Anesthesiologist gave you a shot – my heart broke into pieces. As it does every time I watch you struggle or in pain. I whispered encouraging words in your ear and held you with all of my might. It might have looked like that was very easy and natural for me to do as a mother – however it was not. I smiled at you, gave you a big hug, and watched the doctor take you into the operatory. What you do not know is that as soon as the door shut – I lost it. I walked outside, fell to my knees on the cement, and bawled uncontrollably. My entire body shook as to purge the immense emotion I had to bottle up to show you the love and encouragement you needed from me during such a difficult time in your life.
When you were waking up from your deep sleep after the procedure my heart broke again as I anticipated what the next several hours would be like and what you would have to endure once the numbness went away. I talked at length to the Anesthesiologist and I got you hooked up with some extra medication to make this transition a little more pleasant for you and it worked!
When you woke up you asked what time it was, told me you lost your thumb (we found it), gave me a huge hug, told me you loved me, and told me that you didn’t cry. Then a minute later – you repeated the same thing! We had the same conversation about 10 times. It was bitter sweet to see you wake up. You were adorable but it was hard to see you in that drugged state.
I just adore you little man. When you hurt, I hurt. When you cry, I also cry. When you struggle, I struggle. When you are happy, I am so happy. This is what I want you to know. There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for you. I prove it over and over again, you just don’t see it yet.
I love you more than the universe,