Lessons from the Master Class on OWN

Honestly, I’m not one that likes change.  {{gasp!}}  I know, I know.  You wouldn’t think so considering how often I change my hair, how often I redesign Tip Junkie, and the fact that I’m in social media {which changes weekly}.

So when Oprah announced that she was starting her OWN network {{bwaahaa on the pun}}  I was happy for her but bummed for change.

Yes, I am a HUGE Oprah fan!  Why?  Well, there are many reasons but the biggest is that she empowers women.  I was a new mommy when she was doing her “self-help” series of shows and I really needed it during that time in my life.  Quite frankly, she was the only one there day in and day out – telling me that I can be my best self!  I just adore her for that.

She has many new shows but the one that I’m really excited about is “Master Class“.  It’s a biography series that shares hard-won insight from extraordinary achievers whose paths have inspired Oprah—and countless others.

This week it was Simon Cowell from American Idol {to name 1 of his accomplishments}.  It was so empowering!  I absolutely loved it.  You’ll have to DVR it, but in a nutshell here are his lessons that he shared:

  • Talk 10% of the time and listen 90%.
  • Learn from people smarter than you.
  • Don’t be afraid to have an opinion.
  • Learn to trust your instincts.
  • Be open to discovery.
  • Remember you know the truth when you hear it.
  • Have some fun along the way.

Yes, I’m a bit of a dude when it comes to my love of business and earning money.  I’m not great at it.  {{I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed}} But it’s a lot of fun for me, as I play it as a game.  The past 6 months I finally “figured some things out” and I’m slated to hit 1 million page views on this month.  {{that’s huge!}}

Considering that in July I was at 250,000 page views ~ this new number is quite impressive. I’m so excited to see what happens in the next few months when I launch some other fun things that I’ve been working on. 

The Master Class is exactly what I need in my life right now.  Seeing how others have risen against trial and what they’ve learned along the way is my kind of show.  As an “entrepreneur wanna be” I found it completely inspiring.  I’m paying close attention to warning signs and what “not to do” as the last thing I want is to screw this whole thing up.  {{giggle}}

About Laurie · Genuine


Yes, I believe in evolution. Not the kind where we have evolved from monkeys, but the kind that slowly happens over time as you overcome your trials and find your purpose in life.

I’m an “all or nothing” kind of gal. So when when I first started blogging three years ago, my goal was to make my blog as close to my real life as possible. Well, as my blogs and sites have evolved my free time has too. I was no longer able to keep my goal for my personal blog and with that came consequences. Since I couldn’t blog the way I wanted to – I went private.

Since going private, I have really missed the “deadline” that sort of comes when being accountable for updating a blog. I’ve actually missed a lot of the perks of having a personal blog. Therefore, I decided to completely reinvent it to reflect myself as I am now – and stop trying to keep it to where I was at in 2007.

So it’s out with the old…

and in with the new thanks to Kreated by Kelsey who designed it for me!

I do have a disclaimer here that I hope you’ll understand and always remember when reading:

Disclaimer: These memories have been formatted to fit your computer screen.

What does that mean? Well, it means that each post is a very brief reenactment of what actually happened. I have literally taken 10 minutes to slap it up and it doesn’t tell the entire story. Why? ‘Cuz I’m crazy busy and there are personal things that, even though I want to, I just can’t share.

So please consider this blog a “grateful journal” of sorts that mainly focuses on how I’m “embellishing” my fabulously flawed life. And Ladies I am seriously flawed. No one knows that better than I do.

Since we’re talking about evolution, I thought it would be fun to show you a quick gimps at my evolution in life and the journey that I’ve been on. It’s been a wild ride.

1995 – When I became a wife. {{exciting}}

1998 – When I became a Mom. {{exhausted}}

2001 – When I became an Executive Homemaker {{driven}}

2003 – Davis is now diagnosed and I’m rediscovering who I am as a woman with two children. {{self improvement stage}}

2005 – Pregnant with my third son, trying to sell my home in Katy, and living in an apartment in Ft. Worth. {{bored and unchallenged}}

2007 – When I became focused on beautifying my life. {{crazy fun}}

2009 – Life as a single mother while Jason travels and gets his MBA. {{survival}}

2010 – Enjoying the fruits of my labors. Right now I’m accepting opportunities that come my way and enjoying my children who are a lot less intense. {{finally}}


Happy Trails – This is Good Bye

To my lovely blog readers of almost 3 years,

I have come to realize that my personal blog is no longer a true representation of my life and therefore I have decided to make it private in a few days. I first wanted to give you a heads up, tell you thank you for all your support, and officially tell you good-bye. {{teary}}

Due to lack of time and nurturing, it has turned more into a grateful journal of sorts only highlighting events and the fun things I do with my family. For many outside reasons, it no longer fully reflects my thoughts, my joys, my trials, and people I adore.

Personally, I feel that to continue in this manner will only be detrimental to an ideal that I hold dear and try to live by daily. Which is to live an authentic life, create your own experience, and fulfill your purpose.

I don’t believe that you should try to live up to a certain image or be what others want you to be. However, after reading several of my thrown together blog posts, I can totally see how they could be interpreted otherwise.

I adore the people in my life and feel truly blessed for my friends and associations. I have been so busy being a single mom, with Jason traveling and getting his MBA the past 1 1/2 years that I’m quite sure many of these amazing women have no idea how much they mean to me. I love to be in their company and accept them for who they are. I have no expectations of any of these fabulous women. I’m happy just to know them.

I’ve been writing an eBook which will be released soon. It will be free and it’s basically about creating memories for your children. That is basically why I do all that I do.

I’ve been told lately that I am too organized, have too much energy, and been asked how do I do it all? I address all of that in a fun way in my eBook.

I guess perception is some people’s reality – but it’s not mine.

Just like everyone else roaming this planet, I have been dealt trials that have molded me into the person I am today. I have very challenging children who have required me to learn skills that I would have personally rather not have learned.

It is completely understandable that through reading my blog, one might get one impression of me and my life. One that is not complete and even inaccurate.

With my last public blog post, I’d like to tell you a little about the real, every day me. I’m loving, loyal, not judgmental, and not a gossip. (I’ve personally seen how gossip ruins lives.) I’m accepting and can truly appreciate the differences in others. I have no expectations in others. In fact, I’m usually drawn to people who are not like me at all. I’m not even my favorite person. HA!

My love language is quality time and I do love a girls night and hanging out with friends. However, I don’t get upset if I’m not invited and I never feel left out. (I did go through a weird insecure stage almost 2 years ago where I wasn’t myself – but that was short lived.)

I am OCD and maybe even a little ADHD at times. I like my home organized but I never judge others if theirs is not. I’m completely scatterbrained and can’t even remember when pre-school carpool is (ask Wendy).

I know that I can’t control the bad things that happen to my kiddos. They live with very difficult challenges every single day. However, I can control some happy times by creating them. That is the single reason why I host holiday events and try to have my boys friends over often. I’m trying to create loving and bonding moments in their lives which is otherwise littered with difficult ones.

The last thing I want anyone to take away from my blog is “insecurity” of one kind or another. I am not perfect in any way shape or form. In fact, I’m aware all too often of how I just don’t cut it.

I love this quote and remind myself often; “Don’t compare your insides to others outsides.”

I have continued with Tip Junkie because she fulfills me in a way that I will never get in real life. She validates my weird and unusual passions. She brings color and beautiful images into my life that I would otherwise never have experienced. She also brings like-minded women and dear friends who I have met because of the work that I do.

I’m completely aware that Tip Junkie is not curing cancer. However, she attempting to cure a whole in my heart and a missing place in my life. She has enabled me to pursue my passion of promoting creative women. That is my mission and that is my goal. And I love it!

I wish you all the best and the most sincere and loving good bye. I will miss you more than you realize. I’m crying as I type this because blogging has been such a source of joy and fulfillment! However, I’m afraid that by not putting the effort into it that it requires, people who know me in real life are getting assumptions that are just incorrect.

I’m a young and imperfect soul that is just trying to do my best to raise righteous boys, bring myself joy, and love those around me the only way I know how.




Back to Normal

These days I spend so much time on the computer for work, that it takes extra effort to find the motivation to stay on it to update my personal blog. I have felt the need to post about my 1 year anniversary from back surgery for quite a while – but haven’t been in the right place emotionally do it.

You see, I don’t look back – I blaze forward. In life I take the hits, try to process what happened, quickly pick myself up, and if necessary change course. I’m not sentimental, I don’t keep memento’s, and I let go of things and people who bring me down.

Typically, I don’t look back.

I think the reason is because it’s flat out too hard to do so. This morning, I was trying to get through my insanely full inbox of e-mail when I read one from my sister, Lisa. She’s finally posting about her latest journey {{whoohoo!!}} and at the end linked to her post when she came up to help take care of my family when I ruptured a disc in my back. In that post she quoted a Jason Maraz song and gave me the best compliment that she’s ever given me, “You’re an island of reality in an ocean of diarrhea”. That’s so like Lisa! {{giggle}}

As I reread her post, it brought tears to my eyes remembering the extreme pain and emotional trauma I experienced during those 6 weeks prior to my surgery. And then afterward, the 8 weeks of physical therapy and rehabilitation I spent trying to heal the atrophy in my left leg.

The week of Thanksgiving (one year since the rupture) I purged my feelings onto paper. Below is what I wrote:

“Next week will mark the one year anniversary of the ruptured disc in my back. This time last year I had great momentum with Tip Junkie as I felt like I had hit my stride and doing some unique and cool things. The quality, popularity, and influence was at an all time high and I had found a “balance” (if there is such a thing) between work, life, and play.

I was also preparing for our first multi-family vacation where several of other families from our church were planning a weekend in the mountains. Growing up my family didn’t travel. Not even to see relatives. It just wasn’t ever an option. So this event was so exciting for me on many levels. Personally, I felt like I had achieved many goals and felt very grateful.

How our minds protect us from trauma is such an interesting phenomenon. A year ago, I had no idea the trauma my body would have to endure. In all honesty, I feel like I should be over it by now. That I shouldn’t talk about it anymore and that it should no longer consume my thoughts or effect my psyche. I feel guilty when I struggle with my achy body or complain (in my head) about feeling like an old woman when I wake up every morning. I struggle with really identifying the lessons I was supposed to learn and try so hard to keep those in the forefront of my thoughts instead of regret and wishing life was back to normal.

I didn’t realize it until recently – that I’ve been on auto pilot with life. Nothing has inspired me, nothing has ignited my creativity, and my drive and passion has been lost. It’s a miserable existence to live day to day – minute to minute. I was in survival mode and not planning for or being excited about the future.

For me, that happens when I’m holding something back, pushing my potential down, or not allowing myself to pursue my passions. Preparing for SITScation (in October) and not wanting to disappoint Tiffany & Heather and their guests; awakened me in so many ways.

I had to put down in writing my mission and vision for Tip Junkie. Thereby defining what I really wanted to accomplish. I had to put on paper what I know that others may not. Which baffled me since I’ve never been categorized a “smart” person. Seriously. Cute – sure. Positive – yep. Stubborn – hell yes. Smart – not so much. However, I’ve always felt like I have more to give.

Then it hit me – what do I know a lot about? Struggle, trial, adversity. So I focused my speech and my message to what I live by every day. “Create Your Own Experience”.

I will never be able to truly express the degree of trauma or the dark places I went while my sciatic nerve was being pinched and swollen and irritated for 6 weeks. Which caused constant pain that even high doses of pain pills couldn’t relive. I will never be able to comprehend what it did to my family to see me endure such agony, as I lost my ability to stand up straight or walk. And then to watch the light in my eyes go out as I lost myself all over again.

Sometimes defining moments are not moments – they are months or years. I know that I shouldn’t be ashamed of still struggling; but I am. My 34 year old body is weak and exhausted with the daily struggle of waking up every morning feeling old and decayed.

Next week marks one year since taking my body for granted. I have learned much, become grateful for much, humbled over and over again. I guess the one thing that is a recurring theme in my life is adapting to trauma and creating a better experience from it. (Every one of us can relate.) Maybe I needed the experience if just to know that I can live through it.”

I now see life very differently. I’m no longer dreaming and planning for the future but and trying to accept reality and live in it. My perspective on life as a whole has completely changed. My purpose in life is steadily coming into fruition and I’m trying to accept that responsibility. I am not the person I was, November 2008. It’s a shame because I really liked her. However, I realize now that I had to break in order to become whole.

It’s time to change course and blaze forward.


My Psychic Reading

My siser has been doing a lot of testing, cleanses, and cranial therapy the last year to try to heal her body so she can get pregnant. At one of her visits the assistant suggested that she call this Psychic to find out what’s wrong with her “plumbing”. Lisa finally decided to call and got an impressive reading.

My biggest fear lately is “what’s next”? Since last year was 12 months of one huge trial after another, I’ve become a bit worrisome for the future. I mean really, how much bad juju can one girl take!

Therefore, I decided to take the plunge and call the Psychic as well. What do I have to loose?

Here’s what she said:

* I’ve been doing a lot of serious thinking lately.

True. I’ve been debating the pros and cons of putting myself more in the public eye and pursuing speaking engagements. I’ve been concerned with the added stress to my family and trying to make sure this is really my purpose in life.

* I have a smart man in my life who has a strange sense of humor that I totally get and I love that about him. He’s disciplined. True, he’s fabulous!

* I’ll be going on a weekend vacation soon. It will go well.

True. I’ll be going to speak at Blissdom February 4th.

* There is someone who is acting up and causing conflict. He’s attending a day camp or something that should be fun. I’ve been down this road before so expect it. He’s smart but bored.

True. Drake is a pill at preschool. I’m bummed that Drake will cause me the same problems the other two have. However, the moment they told me I has having my third boy – I knew I would just be repeating the same process. This is a let down – but nothing I didn’t already anticipate.

* I’m worried about money but I can stop. True. There will be enough.

* In one month my desires will change. I will start a new schedule.

Interesting. I’m wondering that if after I speak at Blissdom and attend Mom 2.0 Summit in February that I get completely burned out or if I find a difference passion.

* She said that she’s not sure why but testing keeps coming up. I will be doing testing for the next 4 months. I have elevated hormones. She asked if I was pregnant.

Hell no I’m not pregnant. However, I’m hoping Lisa will be soon and she’s been doing a lot of testing. Lisa was right next to me during the reading – so maybe that’s why she picked that up.

* I am healthy. However, there will be a removal of some sort this Spring. It’s small and there’s light at the end of the tunnel. She said it’s something like a cracked tooth or something. She said to start putting money aside but it won’t be a big deal – not major.

I SO hope that I am healthy. My back surgery completely changed my perspective on life. I used to be completely fearless with my body – now not so much. I feel my mortality more than ever.

* She said that I have been congested lately and it’s because I have allergies. I should go see an allergist.

True. My nose has been bothering me for a couple months now. Weird she brought this up.

* She said that she keeps seeing that I’m 45 years old but she knows I’m not. I told her I was 34. She said that it’s because I’m finally seeing life as it really is and that I’ve finally got a back bone. She keeps pulling the “fight me” card. {{giggle – I got a new back that’s for sure.}}

HA! It is true that my perspective on life has changed quite a bit. I’m no longer a dreamer and am trying to be content with my life as it is right now. It’s hard for me as I do not have the life I had envisioned for myself. I’ve been actively trying to just be grateful and feel like “this is enough”.

* I’ll be having a great celebration soon. Maybe a family reunion.

I told her that I will be going to Arizona in May and seeing some dear friends. She said that I see friends as family so maybe that’s what it is.

* She asked who the independent woman is in my life. I told her it was my sister. She said that she will be needy the next 4-5 months.

* She said that I’m tired of being needy.

True. In my sisters reading, the Psychic brought me up and said that I would be needy the next 4-5 months. I feel like I’ve been needy the past 12 months, and I’m sick of it. It’s been a goal of mine to become completely independent again and not have to rely so heavily on others.

* I need to separate myself with a child because his problems are his own and he will figure them out. I don’t need to be a worry wort. She asked if my son was 11 years old.

True. I am in constant fear of Davis’ future. He doesn’t communicate with me, so I have no ideas what’s going on with him. I worry about my boys all the time. Their challenges seem so overwhelming to me and I just want them to have a happy life.

* I have good partnerships and good alliances. True.

* I will be getting away from my sleepless nights.

This almost made me cry. I cannot even remember the last time I got to sleep an entire 7 hours with out interruption. My sleep cycles are completely messed up. So even if a child doesn’t wake up in the night – my body still wakes up! I’m so exhausted – I can’t even begin to explain it.

* Then I asked her about my speaking engagements. She said that I will have 3 this year and that I will loose one. It’s only because of a scheduling conflict – nothing else. They will be fine.

True. I had to drop out of the Casual Blogging Conference (Mormon Mommy Bloggers) because of a scheduling conflict with EVO.

* I will talk about autism. She said that keeps coming up.

* She said my life is just starting and I will come full circle and see the benefits in 1 year.

I hope this is true. 🙂

* My biggest problem is that I’m afraid I’m not accepted. True. She said that I am and will do fine.

* We chatted a bit about Davis, who has high functioning autism. She said that she can’t read Autistic people. Her grandson is autistic and she can only read him if he allows her to. She said that I should get Davis online so he can chat with other high functioning children. They communicate easier with each other and it will give him comfort. I need to give him his own society. She ended our conversation that I should know that Davis is a good kid.

Very cool, huh! Even if nothing she said is true, it felt good to hear it. I really needed the encouragement and someone to just say, “It will be fine”.

So, I guess I won’t be dying of cancer this year or completely hosing my reputation by choking at a conference. Whoohoo!


How Do You Balance It All?

I’ve got to tell you about my latest Blog Crush! Yes, I get them often in real life and in blog land. I can’t help but adore the fabulous women who come into my life. The latest blogger that I’m sweet on is Simple Mom.

I no longer have the time to read blogs, but I can’t get enough of her so I’ve subscribed to her RSS feed via e-mail. I get daily dose of inspiration and words of wisdom via my inbox.

We live very different lifestyles as her goal is to simplify life and mine is to embellish it. {{giggle}} However, I swear Simple Mom and I are on the same life path as almost all of her posts lately are what I’ve been thinking about!

Her post last week on The Great Myth is a subject that I am going to speak on at SITScation in October. There’s no way I could say is as eloquently as she did, so you’ll have to check out her post.

I also get asked the question quite frequently, “How do you balance it all?” in real life and via blogs. Just like Simple Mom, I giggle to myself because I don’t feel like I quite have the balance I would like to. Life is all about choices, what you focus on, and give & take. If you focus on one thing – something else will be neglected. That’s just life.

For instance:

I don’t cook. I hate it. In my opinion, it’s a big fat waste of time.

I cooked 3 days last week and after spending 2 hours each day in the kitchen – my feelings were once again validated.

I hate to cook. My family doesn’t appreciate it. They complain. Then I complain (in my head).

I’ve decided to keep trying new recipes and cook a couple times a week – for now. Once school starts I’ll probably go back to freezer meals. That’s only 20 minutes in the kitchen which equals an extra 100 minutes for me to get other things done.

How do I balance life?

In all honesty, I don’t know that I do. To me a balanced life isn’t a little of everything every day – it’s getting done what needs to get done while you play along the way.

I’m old school and have a schedule and lists. Lately I’ve had the attitude that it’s got to be fun

* So I watch movies while I work on Tip Junkie and reply to e-mail and fold laundry.

* I have the boys do the chores I hate to do like empty the dish washer, vacuum, and feed the dog.

* I plan activities for my family and invite friends to come along to entertain me.

* I school shop online.

* Drake goes to bed at 7:30 and the boys go to bed at 8:30.

* I create my posts for Tip Junkie at night to automatically post in the morning. This clears up my morning to work out and get other things done.

* I only go to the pool or lake if a friend will go with me to keep me company. {{evil laugh}}

* I have my calendar in my iPhone and it reminds me when I have to be places or do things.

* I don’t let things pile up. {{I hate piles}}

* I throw a lot of things away.

* I theme my days often: Shampoo the carpet day, respond to e-mail day, play at the pool day, throw things away day (purge day), organize day, project day, painting day. I ingore everything else until that task is done for the day – then I resume the regular schedule.

* Every 2 weeks or so, I take the entire day off. No cleaning, no errands, no to do’s. I’ll veg out in front of my flat screen and catch up on the latest series of movies or TV series I’m wild about. I need these days to regroup and relax.

I’ve also been combining the things I don’t like to do with the things that I do like to do. For instance combining Family Home Evening and Scouting. I’m also a huge believer in carpool and child swaps. If I can swap with someone, it’s done. The less time I spend in a car the better.

I also plan my entire month at the beginning of every month. I’m not perfect at it and things get missed – but it really helps.

I have the attitude that “I don’t put off till tomorrow what can be marked off the list today”.

Another thing that helps me are events. I’ll plan a potluck lunch or have friends come over – just to motivate me to get the house cleaned up or the laundry put away. Sometimes I just need outside motivation. If you need that too, plan a Sunday dinner at your house with your favoite people – your home will get cleaned. {{HA!}}

With all of this said, I do miss appointments, I don’t get to attend baby showers or book club, my kids are a constant worry and source of stress, and I don’t have the energy I need to get everything done the way I want.

Life is crazy and I think it’s supposed to be that way. I believe that we can have it all. Just not with a potty training toddler. {{HA!}}

I’m so grateful that I have the opportunity to spotlight creative women every day. That’s such a source of joy and motivation for me. I’m more productive the busier I am because I have to stay on top of everything.

I’m so grateful that I have this blog to document life and the wonderful things in it. It’s been a wonderful grateful journal of sorts and has helped me to keep life more in balance.


These Dadgum Entitled Teens

Wendy and I are at our neighborhood pool with all our kids, minding our own business, when we hear the lifeguards whistle and ask that everyone get out of the pool.

This is actually a common occurrence at our community as I believe the teenage lifeguards have way to much control. They close the pool down due to weather and urban legend “fecal matter” excuses all the time. I’ve believed for some time that the lifeguards are secretly working together to get the day off.

Today they proved it! In fact they owned up to it when they all decided that they would close down the pool because they are going to STRIKE! No, I’m not kidding.

Apparently the company they work for, which our association sub-contracted to run the pool, isn’t paying them their proper wages. {{like I give a crap}}

You can imagine my reaction when an 18 year old tells me that I need to leave because he’s not being paid properly. I told him that he doesn’t have the authority to close the pool. He needs to be adult about it and take it to the proper management on his day off. {{yada yada yada}}

What made me even more enraged was the fact EVERYONE actually left with out a fight! Since when do we let 18 year olds tell us what to do.

I wasn’t going to leave! However, Wendy (as kind as she always is) understood their plight. We decided to be the adults and walk up to our clubhouse and take it to the proper authorities, HOA management.

The Hoff would be seriously disappointed in these dadgum entitled teenagers who think that they can empty a 5 pool neighborhood community at their whim.

Our neighborhood association lady in charge told them that they need to get back up in their lifeguard stands or she would have them terminated. Shoot Yeah!

You can imagine the lecture my boys got on the ride home. There are times that you may think you’re hot stuff – but everyone is accountable to someone. I’m quite sure that several of those teens will be looking for new jobs in the morning with tainted resumes to remind them of their ego issues.



The Power of Prayer

Lately I feel like I’ve been bombarded with problems, nothing huge or even worth complaining about. A couple of these issues alone would be no big deal and life would go on as normal. However, with having them all at the same time I’ve become a little overwhelmed.

It’s nothing I can’t handle and I even hesitated blogging about it. I decided to because these small issues have completely dominated my thoughts. It seems like for months I’ve been putting out fires only to have new ones sparking the flame. It’s highly annoying.

I’m the kind of chick that likes to take care of things on my own and I rarely ask for help. Yes, it’s a total pride thing and I promise I’m trying to kick the habit. After feeling defeated I realized that it was past time to take it to my Heavenly Father in prayer.

I have a huge testimony of prayer. To be honest, I felt a little dumb that I hadn’t talked to him about these issues before but since their so small individually it wasn’t until I realized that they were making me so unhappy that I realized what my solution really was – to pray and ask for peace.

Of course it worked and it was such a wonderful relief to talk to my Heavenly Father with the knowledge that he understands. I didn’t specifically pray for answers to these pea sized problems but I of course I got a couple anyway. I was enveloped in the love of our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ. It was exactly what I needed to let go of the burden and to have the encouragement to move forward in the direction that I now see so clearly.

The power of prayer is the most amazing gift.


Deep Thoughts

Have any of you been keeping up with NieNie’s recovery? I headed over there after a conversation with a twitter friend.

Her words are heartbreaking, enlightening, and motivating all at the same time. Man, that girl is incredible. As I read, I kept thinking to myself what a gift at expressing herself.

I’ve drawn such strength reading her blog. Personally, I always recoil while going through a difficult trial. I don’t reach out and express what I am feeling. Instead I turn inward, grasping for all the strength I can muster then plow forward with my head down.

It’s not until afterward that I can allow myself a voice and reflection. At best I give myself a day or two to let it sink in, process it, and make life changes before it’s old news and I’m back to the grind.

I barely talked about my back surgery and recovery once I was up and around again. Only a handful of people even know the gravity of pain I experienced and the toll it took on my family. I still struggle with my weak body every day and it frustrates me.

Having the same mind, goals, and ambitions I’ve always had but living in a worn out body at 33 years old is unbearable at times. I’m doing my part with diet and exercise trying to squeeze out as much energy as I possibly can every day. It’s terribly exhausting and maddening.

I hope to one day find my groove again. In the meantime, I’ll draw on NieNie’s strength and expression.


When You Need a Good Cry

Sometimes I just feel the need to cry. In real life I wouldn’t consider myself a crier. Sure I have my moments when I’m overwhelmed with emotion but for the most part I suck it up and keep moving forward.

With that said, every once in a while I need a good cry. It might be due to stress, child woe’s, or even Aunt Vera. When this happens I turn to my trusty movie, “When a Man Loves a Woman”.

**This is in no way a recommendation**

I am in no way suggesting that you queue it up in your Netflix. It’s gritty and heavy.

However, this movie always makes me cry. The year the movie came out is an important one in my life and brings back many memories. It’s also about a mother who struggles, completely tanks her life, and finds her way back.

For what ever reason, I really enjoy it. It speaks to me and keeps me focused. I cry like a Turk newborn and can completely let go all the emotion I have bottled up inside. It also inspires me to be the wife and mother my family needs me to be.